Welcome I hope you stay and be blessed by the words that are shared here.

 

My name is Benjamin, and I am a young man, excited to share the gospel with you.

I have had many ups and downs but Jesus has provided for me as you will see.

 

I was born in Salinas, California as a premature baby with a twin brother also premature as well. We were feeble and tiny, I struggled but came home after being in the NICU  while my twin brother did not have his lungs fully developed and almost died in his beginning life stages. 

 

I was born into the church and have always been in the Seventh Day Adventist Church since I have been one, it is where I was dedicated to God, and where I continue to serve today. However even then I struggled with my faith in Jesus.

 

As a little boy I loved Sabbath school and Sabbath stories, they filled me with so much interest and excitement. Sermons bored me however, and church started to become dull as I grew up, a boring place that I did not want to engage in.

 

When my little brother was born, things began to change however, and not much for the better.

 

My father  left when I was 11. It was then at 11 years old that I had my first taste of my addiction, succumbing to the allures of pornography, and with hormones racing excited to see what was next. I gave into foul language as I entered Middle School as well which further took me from Jesus and to the Devil. I was trapped with no way out seeking another video, another rush, even though I professed to be a Christian and still went to church.

 

As my addiction dragged on my attendance at church lagged and at fifteen I almost left and saw no purpose in attending, I would rather stroke my addiction then be with Jesus. As with many other youth I questioned the validity of the Bible and Christianity, asking myself if it was truly worth it until I did not believe any more. At the time of my addiction my little brother became rebellious and both situations made my heart grow cold and to doubt God further.

 

During High School I could not stop myself and I hid my addiction from my mother and my family, and even my church. I seared my conscience believing that what I was doing was ok and even justified it, as was my temper to my family, and my foul language as well. But even in my sin, God had a plan for me, and in High School he showed  me what I could become. During this time I had a beautiful dog named Candy who I loved deeply, and i got her at three years old and she would welcome me all the time at home with unquestionable loyalty and unconditional love. Through her, God showed me there was still beauty in the world but, i still had a long way to go. He provided me with many opportunities in schooling and sports as well to succeed.

 

My life however hit a crossroads when I moved in with my step father. My temperament changed even more so and I became violent with my little brother in his rebellion. My addiction to pornography grew stronger as well until it was all I could think about.

 

I was slowly killing myself and I knew it, I knew what I was doing what was wrong and after a particularly violent incident with my little brother, I locked myself in my bathroom and I cried out to God for help, to save me. I wanted to die but in that moment, I felt peace and reassurance. My heart still needed changing but I felt that Jesus had heard my plea and he answered. I still struggled with pornography and my temper after but opportunities to change were all around me as my eyes were opened. I read books on self control and started to read my Bible again and pray a little. I began to attend online church and listen to sermons as well, but I felt God and the Holy Spirit calling me to break free.

 

It was then I realized how dreadful my sin was, as I lay in my bed pondering if I should watch the material or read it. I had memories of my mom discovering my addiction, the hurt I caused others, how much hurt the people suffered on screen. I began to want to change, and it was a battle I tried to do it myself, beating my addiction for a week or a month but then succumbing again. I wanted it to be gone to experience life and love, I wanted to be free for the rest of my life, so I prayed to God and made a vow to him, i asked him to help me beat it for the rest of my life and that I wanted to overcome it this year. He answered my prayer and then some.

 

I no longer have the urge as I struggled in that year but he helped me overcome, by filling my mind with pure thoughts, and chastening me when I fell, but picking me back up as I repented. I became a Sabbath School Teacher, Deacon,  Preacher,  Youth Ministry Leader, and a young man with a purpose. He took from me an addiction to pornography for nine long years and an evil temper,  into a new man in Him, Jesus. 

 

This is my testimony, and to those who struggle with addictions to drugs, sex, exercise, pornography, and others there is hope, call on the name of Jesus and repent tell Him your struggle and He will listen, and I promise you will feel a healing in your soul and peace. The next steps will not be easy but Jesus will help you spend time with Him and pick you up when you fall. He did it for me and I know that He will do it for you.

 

I hope this encourages you and if you need help, there are resources available, and discussions for you. God bless you.